To All The Ghosts I've Loved Before

To All The Ghosts I've Loved Before

I don't understand why you insist in re-emerging.
Materializing your spectral selves demanding that
I don't see right through you.
Why are you surprised by
my indifference towards you?
Were you expecting me to welcome you
back into my life with open arms,
to let you back into that heart
that long ago you tore apart?
Silly boys.
That girl that loved you once,
so intensely, so deeply,
She doesn't live here anymore.
The pieces of her heart that loved you once
Were shattered and torn when you walked away.
They're gone.
In their place she has filled her heart with
new loves, new friends, new lovers, new experiences
that don't involve you.
She's filled the gaps that you left
with joys that don't have your name.
She has used new passions to stitch
together the pieces that were left,
and to build herself new ones.
And in this process the girl who loved you
died.
And the woman who loves herself,
above all else,
The Woman
you see before you was
Reborn.

Flood Gates

Flood Gates

You ask me to let you in.
I refuse.
You ask me why I lock you out.
I say to save myself.
To save us both.
You see my love has to
Be contained.
Like a dam holds water,
My walls hold my love.
If I keep my flood gates
Closed, I survive,
Alone.
You, you go quench your thirst
somewhere else, or die wanting.
But I Survive.
If I let the flood gates open
Then the immensity of my
Rushing Love
Will wash you away,
And I'll be empty and
Alone.
You might survive the flood
But you'll be gone.
And I'll close my flood gates
Again, wait for them to
Refill, Renew,
Alone.
You see it's all or nothing with me.
You're not strong enough to
Stand your ground when I release all.
You are not.
Will no one ever be?